Counterfeit Compassion
how do we know if we're being truly compassionate?
Disclaimer: When I finished this article, I realized that my reading of Joe Rigney’s book Leadership and Emotional Sabotage and Edwin Friedman’s A Failure of Nerve helped me to frame the passage below the way that I did. Both books are a good investment of time if you’d like to read more on the themes I touch on below. Rigney especially articulates the issue of emotional manipulation better and more succinctly than I can.
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I am currently preaching through the Gospel of Mark at the church I pastor and a few weeks ago I preached through Mark 14: 3-9 where Mary anoints Jesus with an expensive oil—an oil worth about a year’s wage for a laborer during that time.
And this was a true act of compassion toward Christ.
If you are familiar with the narrative, you know that while Mary anointed Jesus with oil, Judas the traitor was ruminating about a wicked plan. Shortly afterward he would approach the religious leaders who despised Jesus and together plot the betrayal and thus the murder of Christ. If you read Mary’s act in that context, you see that she was preparing the body of Jesus for burial.
This compassionate act however was met with disgust and shock from some of Jesus’ disciples. Mark recorded it this way:
3 And being in Bethany at the house of Simon the leper, as He sat at the table, a woman came having an alabaster flask of very costly oil of spikenard. Then she broke the flask and poured it on His head. 4 But there were some who were indignant among themselves, and said, “Why was this fragrant oil wasted? 5 For it might have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they criticized her sharply. (Mark 14:3-5 NKJV)
At first glance, this seems like a legitimate rebuke. Mary anointed Jesus during the Passover, and it was customary during that time to “remember the poor with gifts (John 13:29). It was also the practice to give as charity one part of the second tithe normally spent in Jerusalem during the feast.” (Lane 493). Therefore, it is not completely unwarranted for the poor to be brought up in light of Mary’s act.
Furthermore, wouldn’t Jesus agree that Mary could have used the oil in a better and more strategic way considering it was the Passover? We may be inclined to think so, but upon further reading, we find out that despite this custom, Jesus did not agree with the disciples:
6 But Jesus said, “Let her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a good work for Me. (Mark 14:6)
Now, there is some Old Testament fulfillment in Mary’s anointing Jesus with oil. In many ways, Jesus is the poor man (Psalm 41) and Mary in her act of compassion recognizes Jesus as such. It would not be long before Jesus in his humanity experienced an even greater poverty as his closest disciples abandoned him as he faced a “trial” and then execution. However, I’ve pondered Jesus’ response to the disciples a lot over the last few months and can’t help but wonder how many modern-day evangelicals would disagree with him and be uncomfortable with Christ not directing Mary to sell her oil and give it to the poor. Wouldn’t that be the more compassionate thing to do? There are some Christians who think they can be more compassionate than Christ.
Now, if we harmonize Mark’s account with another Gospel writer—John, we see that there was more to this outrage amongst some of the disciples than initially meets the eye and it is important for us to consider John’s account:
3 Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil. 4 But one of His disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, who would betray Him, said, 5 “Why was this fragrant oil not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” 6 This he said, not that he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief, and had the money box; and he used to take what was put in it. 7 But Jesus said, “Let her alone; she has kept this for the day of My burial. (John 12:3-7)
Judas Iscariot—the one planning to betray Christ for money was the one according to John’s Gospel that got everyone spun up about Mary’s generosity toward Jesus—her compassion toward Christ.
John also tells us that the reason Judas made such a fuss was because he was the one in charge of the money box and he was a thief. Judas regularly stole money from the money box and you can be sure that he would steal the proceeds from Mary’s oil if given the chance. Judas did not care about the poor, he cared about himself. We learn through John’s gospel that Judas’ heart was primed for betraying Christ long before he actually betrayed Christ. Or better put, Judas was betraying Christ in his heart long before he betrayed Christ to his face.
This historical narrative I think touches on an issue that is pervasive in our culture and that is the issue of counterfeit compassion. And it cuts a couple of ways. First, Judas feigns compassion because he has an ulterior motive. Secondly, the other disciples, who lacked sober-mindedness got swept up in the controversy and misjudged the situation. If Jesus had not silenced their murmuring, the oil would have been handed over to Judas, and he would have profited off of it, not the poor.
The poor would never have benefited—no one would have been truly helped. This is a case study for us when seeking to ask this important question:
What makes an act truly compassionate?
Emotional Manipulation
Many of the disciples were affirming of Judas’ critique and it seemed like the compassionate thing to do in the moment. Think about it—we have the completed canon of Scripture—we have John’s commentary that by the power of the Spirit, gives us a peak into the heart of Judas. That is why we know that Judas’ shock and “concern” for the poor was nothing more than virtue signaling in order to satisfy his own appetite.
The disciples who were swept up in this had what we can call an undiscerning compassion.
Were they concerned for the poor? Probably. Did they realize they were being steered away from a truly compassionate act (Mary anointing Christ) and toward feeding the envy and greed of Judas? No.
They were not seeing the situation sober-mindedly and this is expressed by their outrage. Their outrage (fed by Judas) blinded them toward seeing and celebrating the true act of compassion that night.
We can fall into this type of ditch too. We can be blinded by our unrestrained emotions or manipulated by the emotions of others. And when this happens, it prevents us from being truly compassionate. When we are intoxicated by our own emotions or intoxicated by the emotions of others, we begin to behave in ways that damage our souls and damage other image-bearers.
And it is easy to be controlled by our own emotions or the emotions of others—it only takes doing nothing—a lack of restraint and a lack of discernment come to us passively, that is, by nature. What comes to us by nature is further complicated by the fragile, and emotionally unstable state of our society and the constant connectivity of emotionally unstable people on social media.
It is no wonder that we’ve lost the ability to act compassionately.
Let me give some tangible examples of how we shy away from truly compassionate acts.
A Few Examples
A loved one is living a conspicuously sinful lifestyle (you can fill this in quite easily)—one that will ruin his/her life. And you know this. Yet instead of faithfully and humbly and prayerfully confronting them so that they may be reconciled to God—a truly compassionate act, you may be tempted to downplay the Bible’s teaching on said lifestyle. You may begin to think that the church has gotten it wrong on this issue for 2000+ years. You may begin to see those who speak openly and biblically about such lifestyles as arrogant, obnoxious, and bullish, and then you may begin to behave in ways that push back against the “bible-thumping” you see around you.
And your “pushing back” equates to your embracing and eventually affirming this loved one’s lifestyle. You didn’t intend to end up there, but you drifted and the enemy took advantage. You lacked intentionality and you got swept up in all the emotions and became mastered by those emotions and it distorted your view of what compassion really is.
If you’re still having trouble thinking of a tangible, modern example of what I am talking about think of the recent movement of some evangelicals who promote what they call, “pronoun hospitality”—a strategy of lying to image bearers (breaking of the 9th commandment) about who they are in an effort to “love” them where they are—in an effort to be compassionate. We live in a day and age in which prominent evangelical leaders are calling for Christians to break the Moral Law of God in the name of counterfeit compassion.
And this gets me to the really bad players out there that influence even Christians. There are some who have hijacked good words like “compassion” in an effort, like Judas to feed their own lusts—their own pride—their own agendas.
Think of those who advocate for the murder of children and call it “women’s healthcare” or “reproductive rights”.
Think of those who promote the castration of children and call it “transgender healthcare”.
Those who have advanced these wicked ideologies have been successful on a large scale (from a narrative standpoint) because they attempt to cover up vice with virtuous language. They attempt to use words like compassion to describe some of the most uncompassionate acts imaginable—and for a large amount of the populous, it works.
To stand for the sanctity of life is considered by our society unloving toward women and to stand against the sexual revolution and the castration of children earns you the label of bigot or fascist. These are of course more obvious examples. Sadly we also see this play out at times in the context of local churches and even within families with those who try to manipulate or control others—steer them toward desired outcomes and they do this using virtuous language—holy verbiage. And if it doesn’t work—they begin to defame the character and reputation of those who refuse to get swept into their chaos.
Therefore, in a culture where there is much confusion and emotional pressure about what compassion is, how can we discern true compassion from its counterfeit? I offer you four guiding principles.
1. We Must Fear God, not Man.
25 The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. (Proverbs 29:25)
Much of the way we interact with others demonstrates that we fear man more than we fear God and this is a universal struggle. We all must cultivate the fear of God in our hearts—the fear of God being reverential respect and awe and trust that God is our Creator, Savior, and Sustainer and we are his creatures.
When we fear man, a snare follows—and snares are all around and this is anxiety-inducing and paralyzing. When we are anxious it makes it all the more difficult to be able to do the truly compassionate thing because we are more concerned with the court of public opinion and with outcomes. In contrast, trusting in the Lord is the only safe and stable place—and it is from there that we are truly free to be compassionate. From there we remember that outcomes are the business of the Creator and not the creation. We must only trust and obey.
10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. (Proverbs 9:10)
Being compassionate also requires wisdom. If we are to be wise in our dealings with others—if we are to be truly helpful and discerningly compassionate, we must fear the Lord. The fear of God dispels all other fears and helps us navigate our relationships with other people in a wise way.
“There God is on the one side, and man on the other side. There the fear of God is on the one hand and the fear of man on the other hand. If, however, the fear of man motivates us to do something which is contrary to the fear of God, then we reject the fear of God because of the fear of man.” —Wilhelmus A'Brakel
2. We Must Remember God’s Law.
97 Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day. 98 You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies; For they are ever with me. 99 I have more understanding than all my teachers, For Your testimonies are my meditation. 100 I understand more than the ancients, Because I keep Your precepts. 101 I have restrained my feet from every evil way, That I may keep Your word.102 I have not departed from Your judgments, For You Yourself have taught me. 103 How sweet are Your words to my taste, Sweeter than honey to my mouth! 104 Through Your precepts I get understanding; Therefore I hate every false way. (Psalm 119:97-104)
We must learn to love the law of the Lord again. By “law of the Lord” I mean we must look to the enduring Moral Law of the Triune God as summarized by the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20). It is not legalistic to love the law of God, nor did Christ in his death and resurrection abolish the law. The law of God could never save us, nor should we look to it to convert the hearts of man. However, the law is our moral tutor—it clarifies what is good and what is evil—it is an anchor in an ever-changing society and that is because it was written by the finger of the immutable God. (Exodus 31:18)
If we reject or ignore the law of God in our dealings with other people, we cannot label those dealings—those interactions as “compassionate”. A compassionate person does not disregard God’s law.
3. We Must Remember the Gospel.
Because the law is not the gospel and is ineffectual for salvation, we must therefore remember the gospel as we interact with others and be faithful in heralding the gospel to them. And this is the gospel:
3 For I delivered to you first of all that which I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4 and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures, (1 Corinthians 15:3-4a)
Paul, reminding the Corinthian church—a confused, church influenced by pagan ideologies not unlike today—told them that the gospel was Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection in accordance with the Scriptures. But notice that Paul reminds the church that Christ died specifically for sin. He did not die for your brokenness, he did not die to save you from emotional pain or trauma—Christ died for your sins. Now when Christ returns he will deal definitively with all of our sufferings, including our emotional sufferings. However, Christ dealt with our sins in his first advent. He dealt with our transgressions at the cross.
We must also have clarity on what sin is. When we lose clarity on what sin is (it is God’s law that helps us define sin), we cannot clearly preach Christ. We live in a society that increasingly categorizes people as “oppressors” and “oppressed”—those who can’t be forgiven and those who don’t need forgiveness. This is because there is confusion on both the law and the gospel.
People need to know that Christ died for their sins. And it is truly freeing for sinners to hear this—they need to hear this. Whatever the sin is—no matter how far a person has wandered—there is forgiveness offered through the sufficient shed blood of Christ Jesus. But where there is no sin, there is no forgiveness:
17 When Jesus heard it, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Mark 2:17)
We can never offer Christ if we do not show people why they need Christ. And to show people why they need Christ we must address sin specifically. Compassionate people never withhold Christ—and to proclaim a gospel other than Christ died for your sins and was buried and was raised on the third day is to withhold Christ.
Don’t behave toward others in a way that withholds Christ. All people are sinners. All people need Christ.
4. We Must Die to Self.
Fearing God, remembering his law and his gospel requires that we die to ourselves. It is no easy task. We are naturally inclined toward self-preservation. That is why we lie to others, that is why we downplay the heinousness of sin, and that is why we get swept up in our emotions and lose sight of what compassion truly is. To be truly compassionate—consistently compassionate requires a fortitude fixed on Christ.
34 When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. 35 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. 36 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? 37 Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? 38 For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.” (Mark 8:34-38)
The Christian walk is one of self-denial and Christian self-denial is following Christ. The opposite of Christian self-denial is Christ denial. We see Peter do this when Christ is arrested (Mark 14:66-77). When we deny Christ, we begin to behave in uncompassionate ways toward our neighbor. In contrast, when we embrace Christ, we die to ourselves—we forsake ourselves—our reputation—our ambitions—for the glory of God and the good of fellow-image bearers.
This is compassion—that we would look to our Triune God who in love reconciled us to himself through the life, death, and bodily and eternal resurrection of Christ—the Holy Spirit of God placing our particular sins on Christ and Christ receiving the just wrath of God for our sins. But this isn’t all our compassionate God accomplished. His Holy Spirit has freely given us that which Christ earned. We are clothed in a righteousness that is not our own. In light of the most compassionate act in human history accomplished solely by our compassionate Triune God, how could we as Christians pervert compassion? How could we distort both God’s law and God’s gospel to image bearers? How could we allow the anxieties of others to manipulate us to say things and come to conclusions that are not compassionate but damning and harmful to the soul?
Christian, be compassionate. Don’t allow potential friction, conflict, or resistance to prevent you from being a compassionate follower of Christ.